To create the life we want, we extend into an I-don’t-know-abyss to consider new people and things. And also, stay present in I-know-myself-alliances to manage past people and things.

But what happens when the old things shift you back into the I-don’t-know-abyss?

As I witness my boyfriend, of two-years, I can happily say that loyalty comes easily to him. He treasures his alliances with friends and me. Commitment, on the other hand, creates a lot of internal conflict for him.

I’ve struggled with little things like, chasing his attention and gaze in public places, or craving reassurances about our romance.

To me, commitment means helping a person feel the safety of their loyalty.

So he’s loyal, but doesn’t want to broadcast it. His I-know-myself alliance turns into an I-don’t-know-abyss at curious moments?

There were times I’d freeze with uncertainty.

Perhaps, loyalty stems from one’s internal nature, and commitment is more of an external offering? Whatever it is, loyalty and commitment make my fella feel very differently.

I’ve always felt that asking for attention was needy. I mean, if I’m special to someone wouldn’t it come easily to show me?

What I’ve discovered is, NO. It’s not easy.

What I’ve come to understand is, it’s not easy to stand in your truth if it triggers personal failures, disappointments or self-doubt. For him or I. It’s not easy to broadcast your truth if you’re afraid of another failed effort. For all of us.

It’s not easy to trust happiness when it’s yet to lead you to happily-ever-after.

Recognizing my own fear of the truth, I extended myself into my own I-don’t-know-abyss. I asked for what I needed, and let myself fear being needy! But what actually happened was quite the opposite. I felt confident! And ultimately, I believe he did too!

I let him know, I couldn’t continue in a romance that didn’t make me feel safe. I’d rather be alone and feel safe in my own company.

For a moment we were both frozen.

Then, the other evening a bar-pal said to him, “We used to flirt with woman together all the time, but you’ve left me to my own devices now that Tammy’s around!” Without coaxing, my boyfriend replied, “Because Tammy is my last ONE, the woman I want till the end of my life. I don’t want to do anything that would jeopardize that.”

His pal was silenced and a male onlooker said to me, “Wow… how does it feel to be that loved!?”

It feels amazing… thrilling… relevant beyond belief!

We have both faced our fears! And, we agree, that love is worth fighting demons for.

Extending yourself into the I-don’t-know-abyss for love asks you to stand in your truth. It feels scary because when you stand in your truth you stand alone… until love catches you.