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Delight Steers Strength

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A Lesson from On-Line Dating

After hearing on the news that we’d likely be living this Corona-lifestyle for another year. I joined a dating site!

This was a change of heart. It happened after years of nudging friends urged me to try internet dating. And I saying, “No way! I’m not proving my desirability with my resume’. I’m a being, not a doing!

But we’ve all had to pivot in many ways to survive this pandemic. How I meet a fella suddenly felt less important than meeting a fella.

An interesting man and I started messaging back and forth. Every time he’d message me, I’d linger 3-4 days before responding. Because the delight I felt, that someone saw me and liked me, kept growing for that many consecutive days. It was delightful. I didn’t want to interrupt the stretch inside me by responding immediately.

Apparently, a little attention goes a long way, when you’ve been living alone for 6-months in a pandemic–– single! Finally, when the delight leveled off, I’d message him back.

Within a half-day he’d retort. And the same rhythm continued. I’d respond in 3-4 days and he’d respond within a day.

Our banter was enjoyable, for about three or four exchanges. Then I was like, is he gonna ask me out or what? I had no interest to meander along fantasizing about a man I’d never really met. We live in the same city after all.

Believing that a strong man asks a woman out, and I want a strong man, I waited.

But when the ask didn’t come as soon as I wanted it, the delight turned to disappointment. My belief interpreted his reserve as weak.

I suddenly realized, I was misguided.

I wasn’t being me. I wasn’t serving my rhythm when I didn’t, wouldn’t or couldn’t ask him out. I was instead, doing me. I was doing what I had done for years with in-person dating. I was doing my resume’ while running interference with dating.

Shocked that I was hiding behind a belief that kept me powerless to choose what I wanted. I realized I was protecting myself from choosing wrong. A belief that kept me safe and free, but unfulfilled.

I wanted to follow the inner stretch of being delighted.

In my next message, as if my body’s need to get real led my fingers, I gave him my phone number. I could feel my mind hesitating, holding fast to safety, but I carried on and pushed SEND.

In his typical style, in half an hour he called. He asked me out to a museum that afternoon!

What is strength to you?

Does strength have a look or feeling or rule? How do you measure strength beyond the weight of a barbell? Is strength vulnerable or stoic?

In this story, I don’t believe strength lies in who called who or who asked who out. Finally listening for what brought me delight and acting on it, was where strength lied.

Strength was had by living what was feeding my delight. And the level of delight measured my honesty with myself.

Where is your doing misaligned with your being? When or where do you lose the feeling of delight? What beliefs need review to reclaim your delight?

To my surprise, on-line dating opened my eyes to something that in-person dating hadn’t been able to do. Maybe on-line working and socializing has more depth than we realize at first glance?

Please comment below about your view on STRENGTH.

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Redefining Strength

I want to change our perception of strength. Strength is the ability to meet resistance and influence an outcome without compromising ourselves. And we already have it.

Strength is not an attribute; it’s a state of being. Gladiators, bodybuilders, and football players demonstrate strength through brute force, sheer willpower, muscle mass, and relentless pursuit. But we’re also quick to identify dancers and martial artists as strong. Their medium taps into a sense of vulnerability, balance, alignment, controlled power, and grace—but no one can deny their strength. Strength may look different on each of us, but it is an inherent part of who we are.

You are not weak by nature; you are stronger than you think. Your strength is not something you need to kill yourself to gain—it is already within you, waiting to be excavated. The key is to stop chasing something you already have and tap into it, so you can manifest that strength in your everyday life.

Because we don’t think we’re strong, we approach resistance with the idea that we’re not enough. We throw everything we have at it and push past our physical, mental, and emotional limitations. We see strength as domination, but it’s not.

When you learn to listen to your body’s divine wisdom, you cultivate a sense of where your body is developing tension instead of standing in its strength. You end the vicious cycle of unrealistic expectations, injury, and self-criticism and learn how to consciously embrace responsible growth. You stop compartmentalizing your strength into emotional, physical, and mental pieces and operate from the strength of your being at all times.

You learn how to align yourself with gravity—instead of working against it—so you can channel your strength to meet life’s resistance. As you meet resistance with equal parts power and alignment, you transform tension into strength

As in the sword dance above, the power lies in bringing just the right amount of force—not too little and not too much. By meeting the sword’s weight, I meet gravity. I am tapped into a larger source of energy, free of tension, and discover a strength that is wholly and uniquely mine.

About Tammy Wise

Tammy Wise is a widely respected mind-body fitness expert based out of New York City, owner of BodyLogos, Inc. author of The Art of Strength: Sculpt the Body ~ Train the Mind. A former Broadway dancer turned Tao minister, Tammy was voted the Best of Fitness by Time Out New York and has appeared in Martha Stewart’s Whole Living magazine, New York Magazine, Natural Health, Shape, and Thrive Global. She’s a Transformational Authors Contest Winner and regular contributor to Honeysuckle magazine and Medium. Visit her at bodylogos.com.