A spiritual guide warned me recently to be more selective about who I empathize with. I was advised that empathy was for those who are “ready.”

This unfolded at the same time as Elon Musk shared his view that, empathy is the “fundamental weakness of Western civilization,” pushing us toward “civilizational suicide.“

Having always believed that empathy was a virtuous quality of spiritual significance; and, that empathy may well have been the catalyst that inspired the development of divided countries to united states; and in the like, aspiring a future of global co-operation; I had to pause and reflect.

This double-warning around empathy confused me.

Merriam-Webster got my reflection started with clear delineations. Empathy, compassion and sympathy all refer to a caring response to the emotional state of another person, but they all have distinctions…
• Sympathy feels like sincere concern toward another’s problems.
◦ Like a co-worker saying, “I’m so sorry to hear this, good luck with your treatment.”
• Compassion is being conscious of another’s distress and having a desire to alleviate the problem.
◦ Like a doctor saying, “I’m sorry about your situation, but follow this treatment protocol for 3-months and we’ll reevaluate your progress then.”
• Empathy is sharing in the emotional vulnerability of another’s problem.
◦ Like a friend saying, “I’m sorry the medicine is worse than the disease, let me come sit with you through the treatment.”

Sympathy is given to those who want to be heard, so they feel seen in their justified victimhood.
They see the problem as outside themselves.
Compassion is given to those who want to change, so they feel supported in their plight.
They realize that they need help solving the problem.
Empathy is given to those who want a shared experience, so they feel loved in their imperfection.
They understand the problem is within themselves.

This means, the level of care someone is willing to accept from another, to alleviate their own problem, directly correlates with the level of responsibility they are willing to take on themselves.

Care-responses have two sides: the caregiver and the caretaker. There are two perspectives to care for when choosing a care-response. Here’s the thing I’m learning, emotional maturity runs parallel with the ability to choose the appropriate care-response in a situation.

Let’s say, we caretake ourselves and caregive others. Taking responsibility for the caretaker and caregiver within ourselves prepares us to choose healthy care-responses outside ourselves. But not everyone considers the choice between sympathy, compassion or empathy. So, they respond from an unconscious default setting; and, when they’re rejected feel punished for caring.

This is a cycle that I have naïvely lived repeatedly!

When sympathy is all my mother, my partner’s daughter, or my aging friend is comfortable receiving, they can’t see how compassion and empathy could be their change-agent to feeling better! They’re busy defending themselves, not recognizing that taking responsibility for their problems isn’t the same as being responsible for their problems!

Empathy is the care-response that only the most emotionally responsible people can engage in. It requires no personal agenda and a wholistic attitude: first, the body identifies with the problem with sympathy; second, the mind evaluates how to ease or remedy the problem with compassionate suggestions; and third, the spirit’s ability to empathize holds a safe space where the other person feels seen, supported and loved.

Without the emotional maturity of empathy we would live in a dog eat dog world. We would self-sooth and blame-others. Use up the sympathetic concern, compassionate support and empathetic love offered from others. Only to feel insatiable and alone.

This is a path to both personal and “civilizational suicide”… one person, one community, one nation, at a time!
Until, the only way to survive is to change…

To be selective with empathy, I now realize, means co-operation from both parties is required. The outward focus of a victim attitude isn’t “ready” to consider the inward responsibility to change one’s own attitude.

To collectively turn the corner from victim to champion, the way we can live in the spirit of empathy is to return to its original 1900’s definition: Empathy imagines ideas, feelings and attitudes as fully inhabiting something or someone “infusing” it or them with meaning.

Empathy was not primarily a means to feel another person’s emotions, but the very opposite! It was spiritual Divination, whereby one augurs another’s potential to the surface by regularly perceiving them in that light.

I intend to practice the skill of empathetic imagination, to rise above the blame and judgment of those who have rejected my care using spiritual Divination. These are my “infusions.”
• Mother—You are open-hearted, self-accepting and self-reliant.
• Partner’s Daughter—You are seen, supported and loved.
• Aging Friend—You are peaceful, humble and appreciative.

How could YOU practice empathy from a distance?
Imagine light into being with ME.