Untethered Through the Holiday

I was warned that losing a second parent would be heart-altering. What I was not warned about was that, being left with no parents, siblings or children, would be life-altering.

It feels like the taproot attached to my very core has been uprooted. The ground under me tilled, ready for mulch and seed. But the nourishment from rich mulch and chosen seeds not yet in place.

As soon as the funeral wrapped up, I was thrust into wrapping holiday gifts. A lonely undercurrent beckoning me to shift myself somehow.

The holiday was without any of my usual family traditions. I grasped for something that felt like family—I made twenty loaves of mom’s cranberry bread to share—desperately keeping what I knew alive.

I quickly realized that I needed to create my own sense of family within myself.
My taproot wasn’t gone. “I” was simply its only occupant!

I say this with enormous gratitude toward the extended family of nephews, cousins and friends, who held a safe space for me to land in the shattering of my family of origin.

I share this experience for the 13% of adults who have lost all family of origin kin. And, those who could join this small community.

Entering into this new year, I celebrate a new beginning. My authenticity a guiding light, as I embrace myself as the new matriarch of a clan.

I’ve come to realize, that I have an opportunity to empress the values I deem important on great nieces and nephews and second cousins. Values of unity and inclusion. Transforming duty to be what is expected, to loving the differences in each of us.

To be the last kin standing feels untethered, but this new position asks me to respect my own authenticity, as I had always respected the elders before me.

2026 is the year I claim a posture of authority in regard to my own life. Any remaining threads of victimhood attached to parental shortcomings to be transformed into compassionate overviews.

I used to resent having to invite myself into the lives of family and friends. Now I feel empowered to do so. It’s an expression of my love for them, not an intrusion of their time or an unwanted request.

The emotional armor I’ve worn to deflect the dissonance I’ve experienced within my family of origin is melting. It was so embodied, I didn’t know it was there; so reinforced by my own misaligned beliefs, I couldn’t alter its trajectory. It’s only through its retraction that it’s now palpable.

Loneliness no longer defines my untethered state, a new respect for authentic authority does.

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